I feel like taking pictures. I want to take more pictures. I bought this gorgeous $1300 camera and have taken... meh... 5 shots I'm actually proud of? I'm really just waiting for someone to come along and teach me the wonders of Photoshop.

Any takers?

In the meantime I am baking cakes, smaller cakes, biscuits, bars and cookies for the holidays; I am running out of time to buy Jess a birthday present; and I'm watching Mean Girls on DVD.

Somehow my life seems so much more interesting in my head.

done and done!

seventeen days

Our wedding website tells me there's 17 days until our wedding.

...I may be on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Life has been treating me well in all other areas, though. Work's been boring, which is always a good thing; I was recently reconnected with my estranged cousin/best friend after a couple years of no contact; I've been spending lots of quality time with my closest friends, and wifey and I couldn't be happier.

Actually, that last part's not true; we could be a lot happier. We just need this wedding to be over before that happens.

And that may be all I have to say until I'm able to reclaim my brain.

honesty

I sometimes wish for the opportunity to arise when I'm asked specifically how I feel about someone and get to answer completely honestly. I wish I could ask people to ask me how I really feel about them. But I guess the world doesn't really work that way. Few are prepared to hear such honesty without also feeling attacked and consequently defensive, myself included. And while I fantasize about it being a healthy experience wherein each of us would get to learn about and improve ourselves, it's pretty easy to see that it wouldn't happen that way.

I'm not talking about anyone in particular; I'm just thinking. And that may be a sign of weakness on my part; like I'm not fearless, upfront and/or douchey enough to just offer my opinion of someone without being provoked, so I fantasize about getting to let it all out and fantasize about making people feel good with the positive remarks/explaining my actions and interactions with them with the negative. I think a part of it is also the little Buddha in me wanting to make peace with everyone by creating an open forum for dialogue. And part of it is me being curious about what these people would say in response and what I'd have to learn by what people think of me.

I don't know. What do you think? Could such a thing ever work if put out there, and if so, would you be interested to know?

I posed this question to a couple people in my personal life and got some great feedback, but I also want to know what the rest of the world thinks.

tumblr

I now have a Tumblr account. Sigh. I know. Blame Annie.

same ol'

I ended up doing the same ol'. I made the red, white & blue cupcakes again. Though this time I did do something a wee bit different: I tried to make it look like an American flag. Had it been a little bigger it would've looked like one. Heh.

4th baking

I really want to bake something for the 4th of July, but for once I have no idea what to bake. I took a look around all my favorite baking sites and found lots of cool ideas, but they all seem too time-consuming. I usually expect all my baking endeavors to take me a while, and if I wasn't planning on doing most of my moving this weekend I'd do something like this:

Courtesy of 17 and baking.

But I really have no time, and I know I'll end up washing cupcake pans at 4:00am and hating life if I tried doing it after we move all of our stuff in.

I did this for our Memorial Day BBQ this year, and they went over great:

But I also don't want to do the same ol'. ::shrug:: I'll let you know what I come up with!

Happy Fourth, everyone!

creative depression

I miss my blog. I am aching to write. And there's so much to write about! Jess & I are not going to the east coast this year after all (sorry, guys, for taking so long to admit that -- I didn't want to believe it myself), we're moving into a new apartment that's literally 2 blocks away from the beach, we're frantically planning our wedding, and life is improving on all fronts. Yet I still have no inspiration to say or write anything. I think it's creative depression, if there is such a thing. Generally speaking, I am quite happy. Life's been treating me well and have little to complain about. But when it comes to creativity, I'm drained.

I'm hoping that one day soon I'll re-awaken my desire to blog and start posting entries that say more than just, "sorry, everyone, life is busy gtg!"

sister # 2

Saturday morning: long before the rest of Los Angeles woke up.  I took my other sister out to both practice on the camera and indulge her in her vanity.  This was the result.

...it's no wonder I'm so insecure; my sisters got all the family looks. ;)

sister

I took my sister out to a park this weekend to take photos of her. I guess I never notice, when I see her every other weekend or so -- usually dressed in pajamas and tank tops, that the girl is truly a work of art. Part of me is proud of the young beauty she's become; another is a little sad to see the little girl in blue tights and pigtails go.

Such is adolescence.

working it out

My life has been ridiculous lately. A lot of amazing things have happened since my much needed trip to Seattle, and a lot of scary things have happened as well. I don't have time to think lately, it seems. And I'm aware that that's always the case. My time is totally mismanaged. To remedy this I've decided to pull out some index cards, paste them to our bedroom wall and let them dictate when and how much time I devote to everything that needs my attention.

Until then, I'm gonna have to continue ignoring my corner in cyberspace. It makes me sad. I hope you all are well.

seattle

For whatever reason, this picture comes out horribly blurry. Trying now to fix...

new camera

I got a new camera!  Thank you, what-turned-out-to-be-a-$2300 tax refund!  This'll probably mean that you will see even less of me while I'm off trying to figure out what all these buttons do.  But I will stop by often to post the photos I've taken.  Most of them will be of Jessie, of course.

adulthood & constipation

I have no motivation. To write or think or talk or do anything at all. Except for maybe sleep. Despite this, I have been very happy the last few days. Jessie getting laid off for some reason has made me feel a lot better than I've felt over the past few months. It's a combination of 1) her not being stressed which both directly and indirectly affects me; I'm just really really happy that she gets to live life the way she should now, 2) knowing I'm going to be supporting us with my salary makes me feel a lot more responsible and a lot less careless with my money, which in turn makes me feel like an adult, which totally boosts my self esteem, and 3) our laundry is being done, my errands are being run, our cat is less of an asshole and our home life has generally improved.

Still, I haven't been able to write anything or talk about anything with anyone. I'm constipated again. Nothing wants to come out... or rather, nothing's really there. Tuesday was one of the best days of my life and I can't get myself to write about it. Oh, well.

an unsatisfactory update

good news:

• we are going to NYC in june (13th till the 19th... ahem, east coast bloggers...)
  
• things with my father have miraculously improved
• george harrison got his star on the walk of fame
• i stood ten feet away from paul mccartney, jeff lynne, tom petty, eric idle, tom hanks, dhani & olivia harrison and joe walsh
• i stood ten feet away from paul mccartney, jeff lynne, tom petty, eric idle, tom hanks, dhani & olivia harrison and joe walsh
• i stood ten feet away from paul mccartney, jeff lynne, tom petty, eric idle, tom hanks, dhani & olivia harrison and joe walsh
• i died due to an overabundance of awesome but managed to rise again
• i'll be getting a $1700 tax refund this year

bad news:

• my jessie was laid off yesterday
  
• my car is making some horrible noises and i'm a little nervous about the money it's going to cost to fix it

but the good news is:

• i'm thankfully making enough to support us while jess takes some well deserved time to de-stress, relax, live life and look for a job that she absolutely loves
  
• we've saved enough to keep us safe should anything happen to my job
• our NYC tickets are non-refundable so we will still have to enjoy a much needed vacation (i know, right? damn!)
• i stood ten feet away from paul mccartney, jeff lynne, tom petty, eric idle, tom hanks, dhani & olivia harrison and joe walsh

testing again

Well, yay, it looks like my new blog is finally set up!  Rawr.  I am testing the new layout out, making sure there's nothing else to change (aside from the links in the sidebar, but I'll get to that later...)

I'm tired.

I had a beautiful, lazy weekend.  I don't remember most of it.  Probably just because there wasn't much to remember.  I stayed in my PJ's all day Saturday, ate some Mexican food Saturday night with my sick wife, and woke up early to bake on Sunday.  I bought these decorating bags, decorating tips and baker's icing a couple weeks ago and I was really excited to use them.  I also had a bunch of pumpkin hanging around from my last spice cake, and I'd found my blue sprinkles, so out of that came this:

I used a Martha Stewart recipe for the first time too.  Now I can see how it's impossible for some to hate her.

...not that I'm one of those people, but I can understand it.

This was also my first time dying my own icing, and even though it looks like salmon cream, I'm still pretty pleased with the outcome.  These might've been my best cupcakes thus far!

Seriously, why am I not doing this for a living yet?

For my long lost, or cyber-found sister, Tina, here I am.  This was fun!  (More the looking at pictures of the other hot blogging women in their own cowboy hats than my own...)

This hat is actually Jessie's, but hey, what's hers is mine. :D

No. 2

Dublin

testing just to see if my feed works...

I'm still waiting for some good samaritan to come over and revamp my new .com blog for me.  Until that happens, and until I have a hangover cure effective enough to pull my brain out from the toilet bowl (seriously, I drank so much last night that I woke up this morning and it took me 45 minutes to be able to open my eyes), there's this.

No. 1 in a series called "Places I'd Rather Be":

Montmartre

to [try to but probably end up forgetting to] do:

• visit my mom, give her starbucks and show her my gown
  
• laundry. lots and lots of laundry.
  
• reorganize dresser
  
• do tax return
  
• see sgi/unicef lecture w/ orlando bloom at wcc
  
• beardiversary III
  
• post-beardiversary III partying @ casa nostra
  
• have girl date with kay (!)
  
• have real date with wife
  
• watch "i love you, man"
  
• watch new netflix movies
  
• start getting my insurance claim together
  

I wanted to go to my dad's house and show off my gown to my grandma/stepmom, but in light of our new plans to be in a loving father-daughter relationship, I'm gonna wait till Dad gets back from the Virgin Islands so he can be the first to see it.

It's fucking crazy how things have immediately improved.

(I realize I haven't said anything about this extraordinary breakthrough with my father here, so I fully intend on enlightening you all shortly; this weekend's just going to be a pile of ridiculous)

I also really, really wanted my sister to come over and play with us now that she's allowed to, per my dad, but it just doesn't look like I'm gonna have time. Seriously, who the fuck thought it a good idea to work 5 days out of a week and only get 2 days to live? Boo.

I am a happy panda these days.

Today I decided to log in to 311.com to make sure I still had time before the presale went on, and it told me my password was incorrect. So I logged into my old AOL account, the one I have all my spam directed to, to retrieve my information. Upon viewing the 533 unread messages in my inbox, I noticed I had one from David's Bridal. Title: Your order has arrived!

*

*

*

My dress is HERE!

I'm so ridiculously impatient I just took my lunch hour to drive down to Long Beach Towne Center to pick it up. I'm so scared that anything will happen to it that I brought it into the office with me, for fear that the car might get too hot and melt the plastic covering.

Dude. I have my wedding gown in my hand. Today is a MASSIVE success.

Done and done!

Well that took all of no time.  Thanks to Tina-cious and my lovely Jessie for their suggestions and advice.

It should probably take a while for the page to load, as my DNS thingamajig takes up to a couple days to register, or something or somesuch.  Don't ask me; I know minimal web domain lingo.  But as soon as that's done I can hide this page.

I think.

I've been debating lately on whether or not to set up another blog.

Yes, sadly, yet another.  Y'see, originally I'd set this blog up to keep my family up to date on my life things.  So while I've been attempting to express myself here in the most honest way possible, I've kept this place just about as tame as I can get.  (This has proven to be a difficult feat, as part of my appeal is my ability to curse like an angry drunken sailor, and this is simply never done around here.)  But I left it open to the public to peruse my random posts and thoughts, and then I got readers - all eight of you, and then I came to the sad realization that no one in my family even reads this thing.  So really, the reason I'm keeping this relatively G-rated is completely irrelevant.

I just read my baby's post about our delicious evening, and I'd like to touch on it too.  But I can't here, for fear that one of my siblings, parents, cousins or uncles will choose this particular moment to become an avid reader of my blog.  And, well, you know... awkwaaaard.

But then there's this: I have had blog after blog after blog, and each and every time I get overwhelmed with the self-imposed pressure to jot things down after every experience.  I give myself deadlines, I become far too aware that people are looking and subsequently find my writing severely lacking, and then I become discouraged and give up on the whole thing altogether.

Also weighing in on this potential decision is the fact that I love twenty-six temptations.  It's one of my favorite DeVotchKa songs and it seems to suit me well.  I'd have to abandon this compound in exchange for something I'd have to invent.  And starting all over seems daunting.

Ugh.  At a loss.  Any thoughts?

Venice, California.

Sometimes she looks at me with those big green eyes and that pure, childlike smile and colors my entire world in reds and purples, yellows and pinks.  I'm facing her right now, laptop snuggled between my Indian-styled legs as she plays her Lord of the Rings game on the X-Box.  I'd like to time the intervals between gazes; surely no longer than 5 minutes have passed since the last time she took a break to tell me she loves me.

Earlier she told me that she was sure I'd "own" a competition her friends had dreamed up today, and I realized then that no one has ever believed in me the way she does.

My life is so rich.  My heart is so warm.

I'm supposed to be at a masquerade ball of sorts right now with Jessie.  I was super excited about it, too.  Made my mask last night, and though I have no full length dresses that actually fit me anymore, I was anxious to see what my last minute rummaging would've given me to wear.

But that was before I woke up this morning in a great deal of pain and a huge pool of depression.

I can't say exactly what did me in because there are more factors confronting me than I know what to do with.  I realized last night just how angry of a person I've become, and that really scared me.  I have my share of painfully obvious faults, but I have never been a bitter woman.  As I drove without a seatbelt on, screaming at other drivers (using some obscenities even *I* don't use), thinking about my fibromyalgia and how it makes even the smallest of chores - such as driving to 7-11 - painful and daunting tasks, I realized that I've turned into one of those people that resent their lives and don't do a damn thing about it.

Well, to give myself a little bit of credit, I'm not doing nothing about it, but surely the bitching, moaning and screaming isn't helping me.

Yesterday my best friend since 6th grade and I had a row.  Not your usual argument; this one was a long time coming and if it weren't for the fact that we were doing it via LiveJournal, someone's ears would've been ringing at the volume of our screams.  The argument took a lot out of me.  I have been preparing myself for it for quite some time, and I have to admit, even though I regret having to "yell" at her the way I did, the truth is I don't want to be joined at the hip by our long list of inside jokes anymore.  I've felt us drifting apart for the last few years, and have welcomed it as a part of life: we've simply grown into people who are more different than we are alike.  I feel a little freer, a little less tied down now.

I've been subconsciously searching for a new BFF lately; someone who makes me feel honored to be their friend.  He/she doesn't have to know my entire backstory, but I've been really needing a friend who inspires me and who can share a lot of interesting things with me.  Now that things here have concluded (I think, anyway, she's unavailable today due to Shabbat, and might have more things to yell at me once she can get onto her computer), I feel like I really need to start looking for a new best friend.

My job stresses me out for 40 hours each week, my commute takes two hours out of every day, Jess and I are not without our troubles as well - though they're the only ones I regularly feel like we can conquer, and on top of everything, I feel like we ALWAYS have some social engagement to attend and they rob me of my rest.  It's a struggle not to let this fibro control my life, so in trying to not let it keep me from doing things I like I end up ignoring my body when it tells me too much is too much, and then I end up having days like today when my body feels like it's breaking down.  I can't do that to myself anymore.  My arms hurt so bad I'm not exactly sure why or how I'm typing right now, and I'm getting the spasms in my back again.  I've decided that today is do-nothing-but-watch-Hercules-and-other-happy-movies day.

/rant.

Now back to your regularly scheduled, negativity-free blogging.

I'm coming down from a serious chocolate-ginger-molasses-cream-cheese-cupcake high and have little energy, so this'll be another one of my incoherent, poorly punctuated entries.  This morning I finished the book I was reading and was happy to do so.  I'm usually not into fantasy novels; the only sort of fantasy I'm into is realplay and the occasional film (see LOTR).  But this one cleverly intertwined the otherworldly creatures with the everyday human beings and depicted the mind of a fairy in accordance with how I'd always expected them to be.  It was cool.  I'd definitely recommend it.  Martin Millar is the author, a fairly unknown one, but on par with Vonnegut (which I know now after finally reading his stuff) and apparently he keeps on blog on Blogger that I'm no less than thrilled to follow.

After my boss assured me two days ago that he's ok with us doing personal things at our desks with our down time (of which there's plenty), I also spent the day searching for new blogs to read, making use of the awesome virtual PC that my coworker installed on my MacBook by creating some random graphics to put on my blog, and eating the delicious leftovers Jessie made for us last night.

Also, I recently ordered the entire Xena dvd collection on ebay and it arrived today at work.  There are no words for my excitement.  I think marathon episodes are going to start happening on Sunday.

After work we stopped by a Mexican restaurant where I gorged myself on a chimichanga.  Horrible, horrible idea.  I felt a little sick afterwards but busied it away.  Then, looking over my shoulder as I browsed cooking blogs at home, Jess got the idea to try a new recipe for rice pudding.  Seeing her throw random ingredients together and turning them into amazing food always inspires me, but I never bother to do real cooking because I know she'll trample me in that department.  I decided instead to take that inspiration and try baking with whatever ingredients we had here.  I ended up making chocolate cupcakes with molasses and ginger, then topped it with a cream cheese icing.  They turned out well.  Fairly tasty.  But the ginger kind of tastes alone in the otherwise sweet recipe.  Whatever, I'm just glad they're edible.  I licked cream cheese from my hands throughout the process as I was using ziploc in lieu of a decorating bag, and then once they were done I ate one, so I'm pretty sugared out right now.  The sick feeling I shrugged off earlier has creeped back up and I kinda want to die.

And since I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow I think I'm gonna try and sleep the food coma away.

All in all, a pleasant day. Excited for the hot-wing cook-off and masquerade ball on Saturday, and Xena viewing on Sunday.  Woo!

Today has been gorgeous.  It's been raining outside for most of the day, only stopping about an hour ago, though the sky remains cozy and gray, and I've been warm in my office reading a new book: The Good Fairies of New York to pass the time.  The cutest book I may have ever read; only if Amelie had been a literary character before she came to life on screen would anything exist to make my heart giggle as much as this book does.  I love it.  I read a couple pages before bed last night and am almost done with it today.

I'm still at work, but there hasn't been much to do round these parts lately, so after complaining to my boss yesterday, he assured me that working on personal things at my desk, like planning my wedding, learning German, reading or surfing the internet were/are acceptable and appropriate ways to pass the time until we get a new project in.  This is the first day I've felt comfortable messing around at work so much, simply because it finally came straight from the horse's mouth: Go crazy!  Just don't intrude on your coworkers.

Don't worry, bossman; the less we have to bother one another the happier we all will be.

Funny. Today has been a craptastic day (though I can't blame it; Saturday and Sunday were allowed to be emotionally exhausting, so it's just following suit), and halfway through it I find myself singing "nobody told me there'd be days like these... strange days indeed... most peculiar, mama..."

I haven't listened to John at all today!

Sometimes the mere fact that their music unconsciously follows me as a soundtrack to my experiences makes me happy to be alive.

results

Spice Cake # 1 = complete, and it is as nummy as one would think.  Only it's not as spicy as we'd imagined, so I don't think this is what we're looking for wedding-wise.  It was still delicious, though, so I may try again, just with more cloves, ginger and cinnamon.

Now off to my grandparents' so I don't have to eat it all myself.  Happy Sunday!

I NEED one of these!

I'm blog searching while the cake is in the oven.  I found this:

I NEED one.

See more here.

baking day

I am making two spice cakes today.  We've decided that our wedding cake will definitely be a spice cake, and so I've opted to make as many as I can, both to get more practice, and also to help us choose which taste we like more.

Jess has asked her BFF to create our wedding cake for a price, and I am all for that, except that I'm still of the opinion that it's a LOT to ask of someone.  I mean, a LOT.  But if no one else can do this cake and make it delicious and inexpensive, we may have to go that route.

Hmm, I could also pay her in slices of our selections.

Results to be posted soon!

spoiler alert: the reader

I fell asleep on the couch yesterday for like 3 hours. It was delicious. I wanted to watch the Oscars but I am the only awards show watcher in our household so Jessie suggested we go see The Reader as planned.

...

....

.......

That movie was incredible. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything less, but I had no idea what the entire story was all about. All I knew was that it was a love story set in post-WW2 Germany and it was a bit scandalous.

Scandalous isn't even the word. The movie sunk deep. It wasn't the love story itself or the issue revealed late in the movie; it was the questions the film begged you to answer. It was the very clever way in which it forced you to recognize the humanness of people who from afar only represent evil. It forced you to see that even the darkest souls with the most tainted records are still lives that have the potential of positively affecting others'. I was totally in awe of the gall it must've taken this writer to create a story that asked you to feel compassion for a Nazi. Not that it asked for much; on the contrary, I still found myself wanting her to die in the end, and when she did, it felt right. I also really appreciate the work the boy did: teaching her and helping her without forgiving or letting her in.

It was just incredible. I had a conversation months back with Jess about whether or not I would shoot someone if they were attempting to kill me. I answered that I most likely would, like anyone else would, but I also acknowledge that that would still make me a murderer. Am I in the right because I am defending myself? I am by law, but am I right morally? If I pull the trigger first, does that prevent evil, or am I participating in it? If I take someone else's life am I saying that my own life is more valuable than theirs? Sure, one might think that the life of a criminal's won't be missed the way a life of an innocent citizen would, but if I kill that person am I not just perpetuating the same thing they are? Won't that build my violent karma against my strength?

Certainly the character in this film did such evil that you anxiously anticipate her punishment and feel some sort of absolution when she dies. But it's hard to watch this movie without asking yourself every question that the boy asks himself. Why? And how many rights does one deserve after committing the most inconceivable of acts?

It has definitely got my wheels turning. I always say I know it's a good movie when I'm still thinking about it afterward.

Today has been horrendous at work, but I'm glad I wrote this entry; it totally preoccupied me for the entire lunch hour.

we're doing it again

Day turned black, sky ripped apart
Rained for a year 'til it dampened my heart
Cracks and leaks
The floorboards caught rot
About to go down
I had almost forgot

All I got to do is to love you
All I got to be is, be happy
All it's got to take is some warmth to make it
Blow Away, Blow Away, Blow Away

Sky cleared up, day turned to bright
Closing both eyes now the head filled with light
Hard to remember what a state I was in
Instant amnesia
Yang to the Yin

All I got to do is to love you
All I got to be is, be happy
All it's got to take is some warmth to make it
Blow Away, Blow Away, Blow Away

Wind blew in, cloud was dispersed
Rainbows appearing, the pressures were burst
Breezes a-singing, now feeling good
The moment had passed
Like I knew that it should

All I got to do is to love you
All I got to be is, be happy
All it's got to take is some warmth to make it
Blow Away, Blow Away, Blow Away

when i've taken time off from writing in this blog

It's usually because I'm honoring my promise to only talk about the positive things in my life here. When things get rough, I retreat to my LJ.

I don't feel any better.

It took me a while to sit and collect my thoughts after last week's show. Finally I had the time.

I thought the show started at 7:00, but it started at 7:30. It was freezing outside and I tried doing jumping jacks to keep myself warm, which actually worked for a few seconds, but then my body decided it didn't like jumping jacks all that much, and it made me aware of that with the use of sharp nerve pains up my back. It was awesome. Whatever, the 30 minute wait was nothing to complain about. We got to cuddle and laugh about beatlegirl - this girl who was in the line at the last show they played and was talking all about how she has all The Beatles records and about how she loves John Lennon. Jess & I made snide comments about her maybe wanting to leave now, because Dhani won't be playing Hey Jude either. Sigh. Anyway, we finally got in, and the first opening band was pretty cool. Nothing special, but enjoyable. There was a girl next to me who was there for them and had no idea who was headlining. I told her who they were and from which Beatle's sperm they came and she got really excited. Then we started talking about The Beatles, and about how Paul was going to be playing at Coachella, and then we talked about our weddings, as she had just gotten married, and we're planning, and we ended up talking for a long time. She was awesome!

We bounced our knees and tapped our feet impatiently through the first set. A band called Zweng. Nice sound, nice guys, free CD’s. Then out came this band called F. Scott. And wow. That's all I can say. Just wow. They were much more incredible than their 2nd of 4 opening bands status might lead you to believe. They were like early 70's Eagles mixed with a little bit of soul and a dash of Indie - but mostly just because of the skinny legs and ridiculous clothes. They. were. fantastic. We looked 'em up this morning and apparently they're playing in Victorville next month so we are definitely attending.

Now unsure as to whether or not thenewno2 was going to play next, we started getting fidgety and bored while the F. Scott band cleared off their gear. In the meantime I'd started up a conversation with the girl and boy to our left who happened to be huge newno2 fans as WELL as huge Beatle fans. I was totally crazy about this couple until they started telling me that they "looooooove Paul McCartney & Wings". That's when I started losing interest. But they didn't get too out of hand; they recognized George as the most awesome person evar, so we made up. I told them I thought there might be a third opening act, as there was one last time, and there was a collective groan. Sure enough, some pseudo-goth band came out and played some songs that were each about 10 minutes long and boring as shit. I liked their sound, but it's a type of music one can't listen to live. Of course it didn't help that we were anxious in general because we went there to see Dhani's band. Their set didn't last too long, but then a goddamn FOURTH band came on stage. OMG.

Not much to say about 4th band because I don't remember anything about them except that the lead singer's look really concerned me - he looked a bit sick... and then they sang Britney's "Womanizer" a la Pretentious Indie Band.

Finally, after 4 hours of standing (and ps, my back was totally killing me and I paid for that night the next day, in a bad way), Oli, Jeremy, Jon and Dhani set up.

As predicted, I immediately squealed. But then our new friend pointed out that the lady on our other side, some middle-aged weirdo who was wearing fake elf ears (as if they were real, too! she wasn't being cute!) had propped up a 10" x 14" poster of George like a canvas and kept calling "Dhani!!!" incessantly so he'd see it. I wanted to punch her in the face. It doesn't get much more offensive than that. It's like, “hey, not only am I not here to see YOUR music that you worked your ass off to write and perform, and not only am I going to remind you the entire time that your dad was totally awesome and you're just his offspring, but I'm also going to put a picture on YOUR stage and make you sad because he's not alive.” WTF? Are you serious? Who does that? I don’t blame him for ignoring your selfish ass. Ugh. That really offended me.

But enough of elf lady. She couldn’t do much to ruin the night.

The show started with a “Hello, hello, hello. Thank you for coming out tonight. We’ve got some friends with us as well!”

Dhani is so adorably awkward on stage. He doesn’t know how to get the crowd riled up, though I don’t think he cares to. He’s really into the music he plays and you definitely see that with each song. I also saw him kind of force himself to let loose and dance however the hell he wanted to. As one would expect, he’s very new to the whole touring/performing thing, and you can tell. But there was also a lot of improvement from the last time we saw him, which was only last October.

They started the set off with So Vain, the first song off of the album. Not my verrrry favorite but still a good one. He then followed it by my four favorite songs: Another John Doe, Crazy Tuesday, Give You Love and Idle Lover; all of which were delicious. Dhani makes little if any changes from the vocal recordings when he performs. Aside from a few parts, like the “you idle lover of delay” line, and some other lyric in Choose What You’re Watching, he pretty much stuck to the original songs verbatim. I actually didn’t mind; I got to sing along perfectly the entire time. The set list was like a foot away from me on the stage but behind a speaker, so I couldn’t memorize… er… take a look at it, but I’ll try and name all the tracks they did.

So Vain
Crazy Tuesday
Give You Love
Idle Lover
Another John Doe
Back to You
Say (with Susanna Hoffs)
Out of Mind (with Susanna again)
Shelter
Hiding Out

Encore:

Yomp (!!!)
Choose What You’re Watching

Did you see that? Yeah, Susanna Hoffs was there. TWO FEET AWAY from me. Ok, let me repeat: Susanna Hoffs was TWO FEET AWAY FROM ME. Ahhh! A lesbian's dream come true!! She looked like a million bucks, and she sounded terrific; much better than the girl who's on the original Say and Truly tracks. Actually, I don't have a clue as to who does those vocals. It'd suck if it was Susanna after all. Doubtful, though.

Jessie refused to dance the entire night but I totally danced like a white kid to every song. It was fabulous. My body was aching at the end of the night but I didn’t care. When Yomp came on I wanted to yelp or something, it was just so sweet. It’s such a good, loud song. Dhani & Jeremy used those same blue slide things they used last time. I don’t know what they are but they make their guitars sound effing outstanding.

Also, there’s some new guy playing with the band now. I don’t know who he is but he seemed to stay in the background most of the time. The band was originally just Dhani & Oli, and they pretty much did everything themselves. But now that they’ve been touring and using other artists, I've started seeing Jeremy and Jon in more and more pictures. And now it's... hold on, Google... Jason Hiller playing bass.

Thenewno2 was on Conan O'Brien last night, and I was bent on staying up to watch them, but realized it would've made me hate life this morning (moreso than usual; I can't tell you what this job does to me). Evidently you can watch last night's show on the internet so I'll try to do that at lunch.

Overall, Wednesday's show was fantastic. I felt both lonely and proud knowing I was pretty much the only one singing along to every song, but I know, with just a little more exposure, that won’t be the case for long. They are a very talented duo. Of course, I wouldn’t have expected anything else.

my weekend in pictures

Hope your Valentine's Day weekend was as sweet as mine...

sorries & yay

I was a complete jerk to Jess yesterday morning, so I bought her a box o' chocolates last night to say sorry. I'm putting a picture here to pat myself on the back because I've been feeling less than great about me lately, and I'm tired of beating on myself. I'm really good at making countless mistakes, but every now and then I manage to do something nice. Jess loved 'em, and I loved quite a few of them too. ;)

Tonight we're going to see one of my new favorite bands thenewno2 play in Hollywood. Exciiiiiiiiiiiiiiited! We saw them once last October. For those who don't know, thenewno2 is Dhani (son of Beatle George) Harrison's electro-blues band. And not only did we have an amazing time, but also got to meet Dhani before the show. And I fell all over myself screaming and jumping like an Ed Sullivan Beatle fangirl. One of the best moments EVER.

I've since bought all of their music and have listened to it 3,400,000 times, so I'm anxious to see these songs performed tonight. They're incredible. I'll hope to run into the band again, but if it ends up not happening, I'll be happy just enjoying their sound.

Adventures in Weddingland: Part I

I feel like a weight has been lifted, getting to blog again without wondering what everyone's gonna think of me now that I flaked out of the BME marathon. Wee!

Anyway, forget all that now, I have important news. We bought my wedding gown last night! Here it is...


Ain't she sweet? Sigh... I've never felt (or had any desire whatsoever to feel) like a princess before, but doing my trial walk down the aisle with my dress on and fake bouquet in hand, I felt completely regal and feminine. It made me warm and squishy on the inside. Heehee.

Now to procure bridesmaids dresses!

blah

Ok. Enough holding my thoughts hostage because I never finished my Best Month Ever updates. I've been feeling so guilty about not doing my daily updates that I've restricted my blogging rights. I really miss my bloggie blog. Like, really miss it. I don't get to talk to anyone the way I talk to my bloggiepants, and I've been a lesser person because of it.

So if I get the desire to post all about my 31 awesome days someday I will post them, but until then I'm just going to keep posting with the original theme of the blog: random thoughts, updates and happenings whenever I get the desire to write something. Not only do I have ADD, but I'm also an Aquarius! You can't REALLY expect me to keep up with some kind of routine or schedule, can you?

Thanks for understanding, guys. :)

Suffice it to say, though, that I did in fact enjoy all 31 days of January, and that I'd like to do it again sometime.

Since you last heard from me, Jess & I have been doing some major wedding planning and we're completely consumed by it. I picked out my wedding dress and we'll be ordering it tonight; I attended a bridal expo where I got some really great ideas for the reception; I've asked all the important people to be a part of my bridal party. I have never felt girlier or more warm and fuzzy in my life. I love it! It's been mad fun so far and I hope it continues to be.

Well, now that I've gotten this unapologetic f**k it update out of the way, you'll probably be hearing more from me from here on out. Wee!

oh my god. like clockwork, the Spy Boy in the office arrives just when i thought i had a chance whatsoever to write.

blaaaaaaaaaaargh.

can it wait until tonight? it's gonna have to.

uhhhh, hi.

i've been eagerly awaiting a moment when i can sit, relax, not worry about my environment and just write. that moment hasn't come. does it ever?

you'll excuse the lack of capitalization and proper punctuation; i'm at work right now, which means i'm feeling more lazy than usual, and i'm typing in a tiny corner of my screen so no one passing by can read me.

so i've decided just to sit here and let whatever my body wants to let out go crazy. with the exception of last [horrible, horrible] night, january continues to be the best month ever. we've been pretty diligent about making it so, even with a few bumps in the road. though i have to be honest; we've been copping out a lot lately as far as what constitutes a "totally awesome" day. for instance, this sunday after a very disappointing experience, we ended up retreating home to do some buddhist study and watch the L word and star wars. not a bad time by any means, but does it really count as a day where we do something totally blogworthy and/or new? not so much.

i'm still committed to writing every single day down in this blog, if you'll indulge me. i started writing down the happenings of january 12th and then realized i'd forgotten what the hell we did on january 12th so i clicked "save for now" and exited my browser.

i'll try now, amidst spying colleagues, prying eyes and the occasional boss, to finish my best month ever updates.

Jan 11th

Laundry day! The best part about Sunday was that I actually had time with no engagements, and I was able to do the huge mounds of laundry that had piled up in our closet. I sorted through every piece of clothing I own and Jess did the same with hers and we got some serious cleaning in. For that reason alone, Sunday ruled.

Somewhere in there I was able to make us a garden burger lunch.

Ok, let me tell you just how much of a feat this was. See, I am an amazing preparer of Italian cuisine. I won't even be modest when it comes to that stuff. My falsomagro and melanzane parmiggiana are delicious. And my baking skills are pretty good too. I stick to cheesecakes most of the time but can usually whip out a fairly nomtastic batch of muffins. And I'm confident about them. But in every other area... and I mean EVERY other area... I suck. I suck painfully hard. Seriously, I can't even scramble eggs. Don't ask me how to boil a chicken or grill a steak because I will laugh in your face and then offer to mix you a cocktail for dinner instead. I wish I could improve those skills, but in all honesty, I'm lazy and would rather devour all the delicious treats that my wife cooks up for our dinners. So it was a miraculous act indeed that I was able to put a couple veggie burgers on a pan and stick them on a bun without there being frozen bits on the inside. I even grilled some onions for Jess's burger. Topped it with lettuce, avocado and mayo and served it with some extra salad. I felt like such a big kid! Look, Mom, I maded a healthy meal!

I kinda forget what happened on Sunday night but I guess it wasn't really comparable to the afternoon.

Day 11: Productive success!

Jan 10th

Jessie got up early to take our lil' Linus to the vet. Nothing serious; just needed his last bit of vaccinations. When she came back we had a small breakfast and decided on a spur of the moment trip to El Dorado Park. God, it was beautiful out.

I'm pretty sure they revoked my Black card for this, but we took the cat with us.

Yes. We took the cat for a walk. What of it? Poor thing is cooped up in our room all day with little fresh air, no brothers or sisters around to keep him company, just a jingle toy every 10 feet or so. My heart breaks for Lil' Bit. So we bought him a teeny weeny kitty harness and leash and tried it out for the second time. He seemed to really enjoy himself at first, but 20 minutes into the outing a car drove by and splashed water everywhere, which TOTALLY freaked him out and he wiggled and tried to run and dug his claws into my skin for fear of his tiny little life.

Poor Bubba. We won't be taking him to the park again.

We dropped him off back at home and returned because we originally wanted to get some fresh air, sit under a tree somewhere, do gongyo together and play frisbee.

It frustrates me sometimes that I'm not a poet, because I ache to find the words that describe my experiences with her. That day we sat under an oak tree and focused on the warmth and the wind while we let the words nam-myoho-renge-kyo eminate from our bodies and float on our breath out into the breeze. We chanted for 30 minutes and then laid down on the grass, opened a gongyo book and read the translation of the lotus sutra together. Since this is something I haven't studied in a long time and something Jess has never researched, it was really interesting for both of us and we were able to talk about our potential and mission in life, in a way that was clear and more focused than we'd dreamed before. We openly discussed the people in our immediate environment and the potential we see in them to be better and stronger and happier. It was such an organic experience.

It motivated me to get a group of friends together and have study meetings at the park maybe once a month. Which reminds me... I've still gotta call these people.

After our quick study session we got up and played frisbee for a bit (read: Jess played frisbee, I did more of a throw-haphazardly-and-make-her-run-to-catch-it kind of thing).

Hungry again we discussed our food options for lunch and concluded that neither of us had fulfilled our sushi quota for the week, so we went to this great place near our house called Ginger 'N Wasabi, which ended up not disappointing us in the least. Nom nom nom.

Later we brought some ingredients over and BBQ'd at my mom's house for dinner, watched Waking Ned Devine with her and got tricked into taking down and packing up Christmas decorations. Oh, Mom. You are one sly fox.

Sleepiness and Christmas cleaning aside, Day 10 was another natural success.

Jan 9th

By 5:00 Friday I'd actually forgotten that we had plans to go out and celebrate a friend's birthday that night.  I tend to do that. :-/ I drove home by myself, Twittering to my heart's content.  Starving, I spotted I Luv Sushi on my way home; a restaurant I'd heard was OMFGthebestplaceever.  Evidently I pass it every night on my way home and I'd never known.  So I called the wife and yelled, "OMFG I just saw I Luv Sushi, can we go pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

With a little nudging I got her to meet me there.  I waited about 45 minutes and then we ate.

And OMFG we ate.  That place is incredible.  (Here's where I get really peeved that Blogger won't let me upload anything right now, because the food was as gorgeous as it was appetizing.)  Among the many things we devoured, the Yellow Submarine roll which was topped in slivers of mango, and Banana Tempura for dessert that was drizzled in chocolate and supplemented by French Vanilla ice cream were positively sinful.

I can't even tell you.

Then I remembered that our friend's birthday party was going to happen at the Gas Lamp in Long Beach, so we went home, changed, I got my make-up done by a girl who knows more about make-up than I do and we joined them at the 80's night bar.  Wifey & I danced to Just Like Heaven and cuddled on the dance floor, we had a few shots, waltzed with the drunken birthday girl, and by some miracle, managed to leave early enough to make our other friend's Gohonzon birthday party.

Tired and too old for our age, we only stayed long enough to make an appearance and retreat to our bed.

Sushi + drinks + good friends + good fun = massive success for Day 9.

Jan 8th

Went back to work *sob* but again, it was relatively painless.  Not much is going on in the office lately so I've been getting any little work I have on my plate done in no time.  Still a little sick but feeling 80% better, the wife & I bought a few things at the grocery store after work and came home to make grilled salmon, green potatoes and artichokes for dinner.  Deeeeeelicious.  Almost as delicious as...

***FAIR AND TIMELY WARNING:  If you are a relative or old family friend and are reading this entry, do not read any further unless you have come to accept the fact that I am a married, adult individual in my mid-20's with a job and a home who does her wifely duties and engages in intimate acts with her spouse.***

...the dessert that followed.  Oh, my.

Wifey & I have been out, or working, or being sick non-stop lately, and we haven't had much time to be intimate, never mind passionate, with one another.  I've missed her.  I've missed her skin and her scent and her squeeze -- in a way that says, "I'm never letting you go;" I've missed wanting to cry after being that close to her, and sleeping warmly, feeling safer than I'd ever felt before when it's over.

Life has been sweet ever since, and let's just say, for the sake of not having to forewarn my family in each update that is to ensue, we've been experiencing a similar passion every night since this one.

Need I say it?  Day 8: delicious success.

Jan 7th

Spent the day more sick than the day before, but recently I've been getting little sleep, so the 5+ hours of extra Zzz's I got that day were not only welcome, but cherished.  Our kitten was even surprisingly well-behaved for some reason and took a nap right alongside me.  'Twas a bonding experience, I think, because Linus and I have been on bad terms as of late.

I've never been a cat person.  In fact, I hated them and thought they were all evil until I started obsessing over Lolcats on I Can Has Cheezburger a couple years ago.  They have sharp little eyes and snap their teeth at you; they can't really be bothered with humans the way dogs are and they come and go as they please.  Of course, I've known a couple really sweet cats in my life but still never wanted to be an owner of one until I met Jessie.

Since we got Linus in November I've had a love/hate relationship with him.  When he's sweet, he's my best friend.  He has the cutest little face you could ever lay your fortunate eyes on, and he's ridiculously cuddly, which is perfect for me because I'm a cuddle whore.  But the other 75% of the time he's a hyper, high-strung, bitey, scratchy, jumpy, and sometimes pee-y little jerk, and I, having never grown up around cats, really don't have the patience for it.

But I've taken it with a grain of salt and have embraced my little boycat as a teacher of a huge lesson in patience.

Hoo, tangent over.  Sorry 'bout that.  My point was: Wednesday was really retardedly special for me, and I'm happy for the amount of time I was able to pass with my gatto.

Later that night we went to celebrate my mom's **th birthday at a Greek restaurant in Downtown Long Beach called George's Greek Cafe which is quite simply the best place to sit, drink wine, eat lamb and be merry that has ever lived.  I suffered through the dinner with a giant sinus headache and persistent fever but otherwise had a really enjoyable time.  Mom liked her gifts and we ate Baklava for dessert.  Another day that was mostly successful.